The 5 Worst Parts of Depression

Mental Health

Audio By Carbonatix

By Vivian Bricker, Crosswalk.com

Depression is something many of us will struggle with for the rest of our lives. If I’m being honest, depression has become so interwoven into my life that sometimes I forget I have it. While I have undergone treatment for my depression, it still endures. I have learned how to coexist with my depression because for some of us, this is the best that we can do. There is no point in trying to wait until we are healed because for many people, depression is a lifelong battle.

This was a hard reality for me to initially accept, yet it was something that I eventually had to do. If you also struggle with depression, try to go ahead and accept your diagnosis rather than fighting it. By accepting your diagnosis, you will be better equipped to address it and get the proper treatment that you need. Similar to how a wound will fester if it is not adequately treated, our depression will get worse if it is not adequately treated.

Although it is hard to narrow down the worst parts of depression, there are certain parts that stand out. I share these harder parts of depression not to scare people, but rather, to bring awareness to a diagnosis that I believe has a vast amount of stigma surrounding it. It is good to be aware of the harder aspects of depression in order for people to know that it isn't just a disorder where you cannot get out of bed in the morning. It is a mood disorder, where you are full of sorrow, pain, and trauma from the past. I believe if more people understood how bad depression can get, there would be more help available.

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1. Feeling Alone and That Nobody Understands

By far, one of the worst things about having depression is feeling alone and as though nobody understands. These are both common feelings in depression, and sadly, they don't ever seem to go away for many of us. While I believe these thoughts and feelings can heal for many people, it is going to take a lot of therapy and recovery from past wounds. Depression develops for various reasons; however, for many people, it is due to a traumatic event in the past. Someone was bullied, a kid was separated from all of their friends, or a loved one died.

Once depression has manifested in a person’s life, it will begin to affect their thoughts and thinking patterns. Even if a person isn't physically alone, they will feel alone. Personally, I have felt like this throughout the time I have struggled with depression because it does feel like nobody truly understands. Since I don't know many people who also struggle with depression, it can be hard not to feel isolated or as though nobody can really relate to what you are going through. This, in itself, can make you feel alone.

Feeling alone and as though nobody understands will eventually cause more wounds to develop in our lives. I know I have felt distant from family and friends because my depression is so severe. I see their lives as being brighter because at least they don't have to struggle with the mind battle I'm facing every day. Although I see their lives as being better since they don't have depression, it can often blind me to how much they are struggling in other areas of life. This is something we need to consider as individuals who have depression, because sometimes the grass is not always greener on the other side; sometimes it is just as bad.

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2. Anger Outbursts

I only recently started noticing this, but sometimes when I'm struggling with depression, I tend to have anger outbursts. I don't yell, but I feel like my heart is going to explode. This happens whenever I have hit my breaking point, and it feels as though nobody cares enough to help me in my own struggles. Sadly, sometimes my anger outbursts have caused me to say things that I wish I could take back. The best way I can describe it is that I feel like a fox trapped in a house, and I need to get out.

Just as a fox can't live in a house or confront the discomfort, I can't stay in the confines of a situation where I feel trapped or as though nobody understands what I'm going through. Sadly, this happens a lot, and the result is an anger outburst. Depression can manifest in a myriad of ways, and for some, it can be crying spells, and for others, it might be anger or frustration. There are many unspoken symptoms of depression and ways it can manifest, one of which is anger, and it is one of the worst parts of having this mood disorder.

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3. Self-isolation

I tend to self-isolate when I'm struggling immensely with my depression. Rather than taking the time to reach out to professionals or talk with loved ones, I am prone to pushing everyone away. I don't talk about how I'm feeling, and I just turn my feelings inward. This is definitely a problem when you have depression because turning your feelings inward will only make you feel more alone and sorrowful.

I believe those of us who struggle with depression self-isolate because we see ourselves as burdens. We don't want to make people feel as though they have to take care of us or be a shoulder to cry on. Unfortunately, for those of us who feel this way, it is normally because we opened up to someone, only for them to dismiss our pain. All it takes is one time of a trusted individual telling us our pain is “no big deal,” and we won't share our struggles again.

Whenever we isolate ourselves from the world, it makes the depression worse. This is why isolating ourselves from our loved ones, the world, and everything else is one of the worst parts of depression, because it only makes the depression bigger and stronger. If we are going to actually help our depression get better, we have to go against the temptation to isolate ourselves because it is not going to help us. It will only make things worse.

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4. Struggling with Suicidal Ideation

While many Christians don't want to talk about their own struggles with suicidal ideation, I believe it is good to be upfront about what we face as individuals with depression. Depression can lead to suicidal ideation and then a suicide attempt if left untreated. Not all suicidal ideation leads to attempt, but any ideation does need to be addressed. There have been many times when I have been open to loved ones about struggling with suicidal ideation, and it is seen as just a “feeling.” This can be painful and feel as though what I'm going through isn't validated.

Not to mention, this further attests to the stigma that when people talk about their suicidal ideation, they are just trying to get attention. As someone who has depression, I can share with you that when someone who actually struggles with depression discloses to you that they have thoughts or a plan to end their life, you need to take it seriously. Sadly, most individuals who disclose these feelings are giving a last call for help; however, many people ignore their plea for help, and the ramifications are long felt afterwards.

Not being taken seriously for our struggles will give us trouble down the road. It is already tremendously difficult to face depression, much less to deal with suicidal ideation. When you add on people not taking you seriously for your struggles, it makes it a million times worse. For those of us who struggle with depression, we would like everyone to understand the severity of this disorder and actually be a source of support rather than a source of invalidation.

5. Never Feeling Good Enough

Depression doesn't just affect your relationship with others; it also affects your relationship with yourself. You never feel good enough. You always feel as though you are lacking something, and everyone sees you as inferior. This is because we struggle with low self-esteem, and we figure everyone sees us just as we see ourselves. Through the eyes of someone with depression, we would never think a person would like us.

Never feeling good enough affects your life in many ways, and it can manifest in picking up unhealthy habits. My depression led to the formation of an eating disorder because of this very reason. I felt I wasn't good enough, and I believed that if I highly restricted my food intake and exercised to the point of exhaustion, then people would like me. They didn't, but the damage was already done, and I was now not only struggling with depression but also an eating disorder.

If you also have depression, you understand what it feels like to never be enough. Although we may know we are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10), it can be hard to apply it in the real world. We compare ourselves to others, and we always fall short. This aspect of depression will forever be one of the hardest parts because it affects you every second of every day.